Writing has always been my tool for escapism, and self-medicating in a sense. When everything else in life turned to shit, writing was always there to pick up the pieces. Writing is a constant companion who has never let me down, and I’ve grown to really lean on it during difficult times. So when I experienced signs of a writing slump early this summer, well I wasn’t too concerned… at first. Two weeks then went by without wrist movement, but that was quickly blamed on health issues.
Once a month passed panic began to set in. Writer’s block not only had reared its ugly head, but my enthusiasm for writing had went out the door. Writing was the last thing on my mind and I wasn’t used to that. I couldn’t find the passion to work on anything. Briefly I would look over my work, but I wasn’t inspired enough to add to anything.
“What’s the point? You suck at writing anyway, Se’Quasha.”
When I first heard that bitch, aka my inner editor, I was wondering what the hell?! The bitch was coming in loud and clear. I was feeling so down and defeated that I started listening to her negative rants.
“How long have you been working on your book? You’ll never finish it. Your short stories suck way more than your novel does. Again what’s the point? You’re wasting your time. No one is going to read anything from you anyway.”
Depression and anxiety had given me a kick to the gut, but my insecurities vocalized brought me to my knees. All those things were a crushing weight and I felt trapped.
Going into month two I was trying to take notes for certain stories, but that was me trying to hold on to my work.
“If you quit who will blame you? You have all these health issues and it’s just too much. Just quit.”
Then I said to myself that Jackie Collins wrote five best-sellers while battling stage four breast cancer. She wrote, she promoted, and she still found the time to uplift others. The woman was a fighter and if she could do it… then so could I.
As of today I’m back to working on my novel and short stories. I still hear that negative voice, but now I’m more proactive with ignoring it, and continuing on. I also watch videos about other writers who have dealt with insecurities, and depression. Anyone will tell you that writing while dealing with depression is hard, but not impossible. So I just keep on keeping on one word, one sentence, and one page at a time.
Image credit- Writer’s Write.