The Blues And Ms.Smith

blues1 Depression is a subject that really isn’t discussed openly, and honestly, but I think that it should be. Too many individuals are suffering in silence for fear of ridicule, and judgment. Admitting that I have depression isn’t easy, but as always I’m hoping that this will help someone. This post has been a little on the grueling side, for realz.

I was diagnosed with mild depression- or chronic depression, in January 2016. Honestly, I’ve always known that I suffered with depression. I think it was in middle school when I first began to deal with the blues. Depression feels like being covered in a tar like substance that you can’t get off. Some days it feels like a dark cloud is hovering above me, and it just won’t go away. On my worst days I’m drained in every way possible; physically, emotionally, and mentally. I feel so tired because I’m fighting to stay sane, and to keep it all together. Trust me when I say that the daily fight takes a lot out of me.

My bad days are so fucking brutal and unrelenting.

My good days are really freaking great!

On my good days (the me that everyone sees) I’m positive, hopeful, and optimistic. I’m always thankful for the days when I feel like I can take on the world, and win. Those days are gifts that I cherish with my entire being, especially since I know what the alternative is.

My good days outweigh the bad ones.

Faith gets me through so much. My life would be total madness if God wasn’t in it. This isn’t a theory, it’s a true to fact statement. Whenever I’m close to the edge… He always pulls me back.

And speaking of God, most people believe that Christians don’t get depressed, and should just “pray it away”. That’s total and complete bs. Yes, God is good, but depression is an uncaring bitch. She doesn’t care if you’re a believer. And she damn sure could care less about how many scriptures you can quote. And that’s why it’s vital to seek help.

I’ve decided to go into therapy… and I’m quite happy about my decision. I’ll do whatever I can to be a happier, healthier, more bossome version of myself. I didn’t want to go the anti-depressants route. I already take so many meds for other health issues, so I believe therapy will be the best fit for me.

I’m no longer ashamed of having depression. I’m proud of myself for continuing to fight. I may have depression, but I refuse to let it have me.

Cheers, homies!