I know so many talented people that it’s freaking ridiculous. I’ve always wanted my little blog to not just be a place for me to work things out (your gurl has issues, y’all), but also as a platform to share the works of others. Before I was a writer I was- and is, a fan of soul-stirring, thought provoking, life altering prose.
Love will always be one of my favorite subjects, and my ultimate muse… but enough about me. 🙂
Felicia Scott is a homie in which I have a ton of things in common with, writing being the most important. Strictly due to instinct I asked her if she would consider doing a little sumthin’ sumthin’ for my blog. My gut told me that Felicia was insanely talented and would bring something uniquely original to the table. What she put together really moved me and I loved it. As a hopeless romantic I totally enjoyed what she conveyed in her piece Love Deferred. I had to break out the damn Kleenex and everything!
Without further ado… here is Love Deferred.
How do you adapt to a love deferred?
At what point do you resign all hope?
Love is the thing that wakes us in the morning.
It’s the substance that keeps our blood flowing, or boiling, depends on the type of love.
I’ve found in my life so far I’ve only loved one person.
I never believed in it before.
I never hoped for it nor did I want it.
I’m not that girl that wished for a wedding, or a Prince in shinning armor.
I’ve never believed a man can solve all your problems; and most certainly don’t believe that I needed a man, until he came along and changed my perspective.
Oh, I still find it difficult to admit I fell so hard in this love trap.
Wouldn’t you call it a trap?
I’m not sure if I agree with Alfred Lord Tennyson. “Tis better to love than never to never have loved at all.”
How can someone that has lost a love, ever feel that way?
For me to experience what I consider to be real love, you know the kind that makes you want to do better.
The type of love that takes your breath away.
The type of love that leaves butterflies in your stomach just with the thought of the person.
The type that makes all your bad days seem insignificant.
That my friends is something I never want to experience again.
To know that I now have to live the rest of my life hoping to experience just an ounce of that type of LOVE leaves me feeling hopeless.
I remember reading something as a child that referred to people being created in pairs, along with people picking their families, their life.
So, let’s put our religious beliefs aside, and say that we were all made in pairs that the universe decided to make myself, and another male version that was to walk this journey with me.
You still with me?
Now just imagine no longer having your other half, the one that was created for you.
The one that could read your mind and your feelings.
The one that understood how you like your coffee, and understood you must have your coffee before the day gets started.
Now just for one second imagine all of that gone.
That feeling of security and relief, no longer there.
That is a love deferred.
That is why I’m lost- slightly hopeful, bust lost none the less.
Love is dangerous and scary to me.
To imagine giving my inner most self to someone again.
No, sorry I can’t do it.
I can’t create memories with someone that will no longer be there.
I can’t give that part of me again.
So, yes there’s a deferment on love in the Queensland (lol, my world).
In this land we are kind, civil, pleasant, we give that out ten fold.
But, love is banned for right now, until we determine how and why you want love, and what you plan on doing with it after you get it.
How you plan to reciprocate it?
It will be deferred for an indiscriminate amount of time.
Oh yes, I know a lot of you are saying “You’re just afraid. You’ve been hurt. You just need to get over it.”
You’re right. I am hurt.
I am getting over it, and in the meantime Queensland will not be sharing its most precious commodity.
Thanks so much, Felicia!
Image Credit- I don’t own the image in this post.